I once really, really had my feelings hurt by my husband who said (and I paraphrase) "It would be nice if you followed-through on something." Ouch. That stung. But, as the adage says, the truth does hurt.
I have a giant bin full of half-started, half-hearted art projects. I don't have a problem starting a book and leaving it for another time after just a few pages. I plan my weekly meals, do the grocery shopping, and rarely do I actually cook everything from the list. Instead I get tired of cooking and take the family for McMenniman's instead. I buy cards for friends, often address the envelope, but never send them. I "plan" trips for our family that we never take. Embarrassing, don't you think?
What does this say about me? What does it say about my priorities? About my reliability. Loads. I am a flake. I let things slip that I should really take care of. Its embarrassing and I am working on it, but I am trying not to fixate on what a completely failure I am. I keep telling myself that what people will remember about me is my kindness and not my not-so-stellar follow-through. I may be kidding myself, but it really helps keep me from hiding away in my house embarrassed to be seen by someone I may have offended.
I stay at home with my kids and I continue to struggle with the whole idea of an identity outside my children. I know many moms do. I know I am lucky to be able to stay with these two kiddos in their first few years in this world, but goodness gracious, its lonely! A tidy house, home baked bread, and a sink empty of dishes only provides so much fulfillment, and so I've found myself spending much of my free time browsing other mom-blogs. I find their openness and honesty refreshing and inspiring, infuriating, gag-inducing. AND intimidating. I'm not a writer. But maybe, just maybe I have something to say. Maybe I should try to do this on a regular basis. *gasp* Can she do it, group? Probably not. But I may as well give it a whirl. Right?
